Wednesday, December 8, 2010

No More Table, Pal!

Not all, but many of the greatest scenes ever created take place at a table.

Naturally I speculate upon the significance of this object. What purpose does a table serve that allows so many great scenes to pop out like a premature pimple?

Perhaps it’s because tables allow for distractive consumption amidst conversation, or maybe because they act as physical barriers against personal differences and force individuals into resolution and personal cultivation. Or perhaps, metaphorically, tables are the archetype of support, often designed from the trees which recycle our air and allow the processes of human sustenance to flourish, they serve the function of intellectual utility, in which great ideas blossom in conversation and debate.

Amidst my struggles for an explanation I came to the conclusion that intellectualizing tables was about as stupid as starting a feminist movement and using the “mama grizzly” as a mascot.

Regardless, below are some of the best scenes in film history, which have an added bonus of some pretty nice tables.

In no particular order.

1. Jaws - I'll Never Put on a Table Again

2. 25th Hour - 62th Table

3. Network - There is Only One Holistic System of Table

4. Mulholland Drive - I Had a Dream About this Table

5. Reservoir Dogs - She's Getting Serious Table Action

6. Boogie Nights - In the Master Bedroom, Under the Table

7. Collateral - Spanish Key Table

Part A

Part B

8. American History X - Nazi Table

9. Goodfellas - Funny Like I'm a Table, I Amuse You?

10. The Dark Knight - Enough of this Table

11. Heat - 60 Seconds or Less Table

12. The Godfather - Vespa Table

13. Fargo - I Like You So Much Table

14. A Few Good Men - Walk Softy and Carry an Armored Table

15. Glengarry Glen Ross - All Tables Smell Vaguely of S*&*

16. My Darling Clementine - To Table or Not to Table (Thanks to Ebert)

17. Training Day - You Ever Have Your Table Pushed In?

Table Scenes with No Embed Codes

18. Jurassic Park - I Call It the Rape of the Natural Table

19. Citizen Kane - You Never Should Have Married a Newspaper Table

20. The Deer Hunter - Mao Table!

What's Your Favorite Table Scene?

Note: After spending over two hours uploading and editing in subtitles for a scene from Kurosawa's Ikiru (due to technical difficulties), Toho Film Company reported me to youtube, which resulted in me receiving a warning and threat of shutting down my account. I fail to understand how allowing others to view the greatness of a particular movie scene results in any form of threat. If anything, I have put time and energy into free advertising for the movie. Should someone have liked the scene, they could have rented or purchased the film in its entirety. This type of action is completely irrational and unproductive in acquiring new film audiences and viewers.