Sunday, April 26, 2009

Burton of Bricks

I thought I didn't like Burton as much as I do, but he's a cool guy, better than that Wes Anderson asshole.  So after finally seeing Sweeney Todd it's time for another ranking.

Although he seems to be getting progressively worse, I'm still extremely excited for Alice in Wonderland; what better man to do it?  (Though I said the same about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and that was a stupid POS).

1.  Ed Wood 4/4 - ‘94

I saw this before I even saw an Ed Wood movie.  Then I saw an Ed Wood movie and understood why this was made.  The opening shot is one of the best in the entire universe.

2. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure 3.5/4 - ‘85

This is just a phenomenal kids movie.  If I’m feeling bad about Metallica suing Napster, I just let this baby role and I’m good. The scene in the magic shop always gives me the nervous poopies. 

3. Batman 3.5/4 - ‘89

One of Jack Nicolson’s greatest roles, goddamn.  Is the movie set in the 1930s? Then why is Prince playing during the dinner scene?  Is this thing on? What is this thing?  You know a movie’s good when Six Flags can recreate a Burton world via a roller coaster.

4. Batman Returns 3.5/4 - ‘92

Ebert only gave this two stars?!  What?!  I know the new Batmans makes this movie look like Dorah the Explorer, but come on - Danny Devito amongst all those penguins, Christopher Walken being Christopher Walken and Alfred.

5. Edward Scissorhands 3/4 ‘90

For an original story, this is one badass fairy tale.  The commentary on surburbia tickles me so hard that it lights my face up like the color of the houses.

6. Beetle Juice 3/4 - ‘88

Between Michael fucking Keaton playing Beetle Juice and the final dinner scene, I like this movie, I like it a lot.

7. Corpsebride 3/4 - ‘05

I recently saw Coraline which was three-dimensionally amazing, I don't know why I'm mentioning this.  I always liked the idea of using CGI to create what looks like Claymation.  It’s a nice October-time flick.

8. Sleepy Hollow 3/4 - ‘99

I haven’t seen this movie since its initial release, but I’m going to go with my instinct on this one - it was pretty damn awesome.  Up there with the headless horseman Are You Afraid of the Dark? episode.

9. Big Fish 2.5/4 - ‘03

Every time I sit down to watch this movie I remember the first preview on television with Salsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel playing, thinking this was going to be amazing.  So I think, “You know, it actually is a great movie" - contrary to all the times I viewed it prior.  But time and again, it fails at delivering.  

10. Sweeney Todd 2.5/4 - ‘07

The last movie of Burton’s I had to finish.  I’m not sure why I didn’t like it, I don’t know what I would have changed.  I guess it just wasn’t my cup of tea...or blood? (cause there's blood and stuff).  

11. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 1/4 - ‘05

From the moment I heard that the writer had not seen the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory before writing the script, I knew this picture was doomed.  Its pretty much the exact opposite of the original: too many effects, not dark enough, no creepy knife salesmen, no Gene Wilder.  While Burton relies on atmosphere to create the world, Stuart relied on the story; damn farking right.

12. Planet of the Apes .5/4 - ‘01


13. Mars Attacks .5/4 - ‘96

Horrible attempt at recreating the sci-fi films from the cold war era.  Jack Nicholson, goddamn you.

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